Children Living in Violence

Children Experiencing Violence At Home

• Learn to expect humiliation, disrespect and violence in close relationships
• Learn to use violence as a problem-solver and as a way to control others
• Learn to get their needs met by using threats and intimidation
• Learn to blame others for their problems and actions
• Learn poor communication skills
• Do not learn to express anger without being cruel and abusive
• Do not develop healthy self-esteem
• Become isolated because they are unable to trust others
• Take on adult roles by separating fighting parents, protecting and defending the abused parent, or parenting and protecting younger siblings
• Develop physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, ulcers, stuttering, bed wetting, sleep and eating disorders
• Feel guilty because they feel that they violence is their fault - try to be "extra good" so it won't happen again.
• Feel alone and that their world is out of control
• Feel powerless because they can't stop the abuse
• May experience long-term depression and flashbacks of the violent episodes they have witnessed
• Copy by withdrawing and denying, or abusing alcohol and drugs
• Live in constant fear

Children Living in Violent Households

WAYS OF BEING DRAWN IN	EFFECTS OF ABUSE
0-1 YEAR OLDS
Seeing it Hearing it Being awakened by it Being injured by it Being ripped from mother's arms Having toys broken Being born prematurely Being hit while in mom's arms Being thrown	Physical injury Death Fright Being traumatized by it Sleep disturbances Eating disturbances Being colicky or sick Insecurity because of being cared for by a traumatized mom Not responsive or cuddly
2-4 YEAR OLDS
Seeing it Hearing it Trying to stop altercation Becoming abused themselves Being used as a physical weapon against the victim Being interrogated by perpetrator about victims activities Being held hostage by perpetrator	Acting out violently Withdrawal Trouble with other kids Delayed toileting Eating problems Nervous, jumpy Sleep problems Insecurity, fear and Depression
5-12 YEAR OLDS
Seeing & hearing it Picking 1 parent to defend Physically intervening Calling the police Running to neighbors for help Being used as a spy against Mom Forced to participate in attack on Mom Being physically or sexually abused to control Mom Being restricted from contact with others	Fear & insecurity Low self esteem Withdrawal/depression Running away Early drug/alcohol use School problems Bedwetting Sexual activity Becoming caretaker of adults Being embarrassed by one's family

Effects of Domestic Violence on Older Children

TEENS (BOYS & GIRLS)
Killing/trying to kill perpetrator Trying to stop the abuse Hitting parent or siblings Becoming physically abused Being used as a spy Being used as a confidante Being coerced by perpetrator to be abusive to mom	School problems Social problems Sexual activity Shamed & embarrassed Truancy Superachiever at school Tendency to get serious relationships too early to escape home Depression Suicide Alcohol/drug use Confusion about gender roles
EFFECTS SPECIFIC TO BOYS ONLY	EFFECTS SPECIFIC TO GIRLS ONLY
Learning that males are violent Learning to disrespect women Using violence in his own relationships Confusion or insecurity about being a man Attacking parents or siblings	Learning that male violence is normal Learning that women don't get respect Accepting violence in her own relationships Embarrassed about being female Becoming pregnant

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